树叶的拨动

真的只是有时候，感觉和这世界格格不入。。

真的只是有时候， 明明身边的朋友很多。。 可是，到最后你还是会落到一个人生活。。

心情不好,第一件想做的事就是写部落,发泄发泄...

呼吸又困难了... 整颗心好像有五十公斤那么重. 总是压着那颗脆弱的心, 它快坚持不住了. 整颗心好比被几千人在你伤口上撒盐, 很痛很痛...

独在异乡为异客，每逢佳节倍思亲。

今年，第一年在外中秋节，一个人过的中秋节，没有亲友的陪伴, 好奇怪的感觉..

家，是永远的避风港。这句话你我都无法否认。工作累了、遇到挫折，你第一个想到的铁定是家人。家人永远是你继续活下去的动力、你精神的支柱。家，永远是那么的美；家，永远是那么的好；家，我想回家了。

最近，还真的不知自己在干吗？总是提不起劲，连说话都觉得是多余的。好累好累。。好像长眠不醒。受够了，这生活我不想面对了；这世界，你就让我消失在其中吧，永远都不想再出现。算了吧！尽管你再如何挣扎，最后你还是个失败者，因你永远都没它强，你只有被打倒得分。

累了。。累了。。心灵觉得疲惫，身子也觉得疲惫， 不是很想说话的感觉。不是因为我变了，而是这世界变了。变好，应该算不上把；变坏，也不是如此。只觉得，咳。。。。

最近也变得是部落格的常客。现实世界无法说的事，只得借由虚拟世界说出来。现实，虚拟，这二者，我还是比较喜欢后者，毕竟虚拟世界没那么残酷。现实，不是你我可以面对的，因为如果你我可以面对它，它可能就不叫现实了。好像借由虚拟世界把一切都抒发出来，但是又能怎样呢？ 你总就还是必须面对它。你永远逃避不了，任凭你多厉害。哈哈哈哈。。 讽刺呀！

今夜又是一个不眠的夜晚。就是一种不能形容的感觉。一，是想家的关系，看着朋友们都回到各自的家乡，唯独自己还留在异乡。那种感觉还真是笔墨所不能形容的，复杂，杂乱。。好想家哦！每次，眼泪就夺眶而出，爸妈，你们还好吗？弟妹，姐想你们了。。家里一切有所改变吗？好想知道，好想回家探个究竟。。流浪汉的心声。。。

其次，我不知我现在的朋友们是否是可信赖的。眼前的他们，生活中的他们，你永远不可能透彻的了解他们心里的想法。每个人的假面具几时要被揭开？什么时候人们都可光明正大面对所有人？好邪恶的世界，好现实的人生。主啊，唯有你是信实的。真得需要你的引导。。。我真的好乱好乱。有时真的想放弃了，累了。不想再去猜测，不想再去面对。

离开家乡的那刻，回想起来还是蛮新鲜，依旧深刻的刻在脑海里。爸爸一口气的答应了要陪我来见识新的求学环境。（感动）谢谢，OTOSANG。。。哈哈哈。。 回想起来还真是主其妙的安排！原本就非常抗拒这份职业，跟我所梦想的完全不同，但是，还是踏上了新的土壤，过着离乡背井的生活。还真的不容易啊！可能这就是冥冥中自有安排吧。。

新生活，新面孔，新房间。。。。都让我觉得陌生及不习惯,还真的不喜欢这种巨大的改变。所以，每天的生活当然是少不了跟妈妈爸爸聊天的生活，聊东聊西，聊个天南地北，还蛮佩服自己父母的能耐。父母对自己的关心让我非常感动，每次都会有想哭的感觉，可是又得掩饰得很好。但是，还是然向来贴心的妈妈给揭穿了。眼泪就会像忘了关水喉一样，无法停止。

We should be a repentent person. Repend on what we had done which are guilty. I want to let lord jesus be my only direction on my life. Let truth to fill my soul. Let christ to move freely in me.  I want to grow up in my life! May God bless all of us.. Amen.

Hmmm.. it had been such a long time i didn't not update my blog. And i want share sth which i apreciate a lot during English conference i attended recently. I have to confess tat i spend 2 much time in this world, which i shouldn't be. Oh. lord jesus! Truth, life, incease n spread- the theme during this conference. I enjoy that we should be an empty vessel n let God talk 2 us. We should listen to our God although God may be whisper 2 us. We should prepare ourselves 4 migration. We should nt trap ourselves in Malaysia. We should migrate for d spreading of our church.

I also enjoy when d brother said what is on ur forehead. His word is just like a sword, he says facebook. Yup, i admit it. I spend too much of my time trapping myself in facebook n entertainment in this world. I am indeed guilty. Our God is a worthy lamb who had died 4 us to save us. Thus, praise the lord n enjoy lord. Be his faithful slaves in this world. Shame of u, syaitan!

Just back from Song and it was a tiring trip. In this week, i experienced our God as a true and blessing God. Experienced a few bad things. First, bad mosquitoes... And i brought back quite a lot of mosquitoes bites. Aiyo, itchy and painful. One swollen bite on my toes AGAIN!! Second, electric was shut down many times, at night during our visit to long house and in the morning today. Quite a nice experience to see such lamp in nowadays. Third, our car was broken down during our visit to long house. It was my 1st time to push a van actually. However, seem like i did not have a great contribute in that action. Haha.... When i recall all the things, i am glad and thankful. Sister Hui Zhen says our God wants us to turn to Him when we face with obstacles and problems in our lives. Pray to Him and call upon his name. Oh, Lord Jesus! I learn an important homework here. Thank you, Lord!